I’ve been delinquent. I know. I’m sorry. I am shamed. I could go down this only mostly long list of what I’ve been keeping up to. But it mostly just involves being a mom, running a coffee shop, and doing the music venue thing.
I’ve been learning a lot lately, and had to take a moment aside to think through life. One of those thoughts being my littles. I want my girls to grow with excitement for life, knowing truth, and having a good relationship with them. For every parent, I think sometimes things get a little askew, and we don’t even realize it. For me, I’ve been getting busier and busier….clean the house this day, library the next day, taco nights at the shop, never forgetting to get my time at the shop to get work done. Mostly pushing my girls aside to get done all these “important” things. For my beautiful, energy filled, oldest little, the only way she was figuring to deal with my busyness was to scream, and throw tantrums…a lot. I found myself pulling out my hair while she is demanding that I hold her in the coffee shop, and when I put her down, just crying and crying and crying.
Friends were getting upset. I was sending miss H a mixed signal of my promise to be there for her, only to push her away because I’m “busy.”
I needed to take a step back. so I retreated home to go back to the fun of being mamma.
I quickly gained an understanding of what was being taught to me. “Stand up for what you know is true” The way I do things with my girls is a bit unconventional I’ll admit, but it’s the way I really feel I have been called to
raise them. When it was coming to the dramatic side of my littles life, it was because I wasn’t tending to the needs that I knew that she needed. I don’t believe children are supposed to do their own thing in life, how will they learn? and I fully believe that even at the age of three she is capable of being by my side, as much as she wants, helping with dishes, playing on the computer, doing boring paperwork. I had let this go. And she hated it. And made that known.
So I’ve needed to take a step back. To regain and cherish these littles. And over the last few weeks, I see how much I have learned, and feel that the Lord has given me a much better, stonger view on life, and the ability to do what needs to be done, with, my littles by my side.
I have had a lot of the same things on my heart lately too. Turns out being a mom requires a lot of balancing of priorities/ responsibilities.
I have been thinking about you.
I think I need to do something similar soon. We got a new Mac and it has been my drug as of late. Judith has been acting out a lot, my house is a disaster, and I feel emotionally detached from everyone in my life.
Maybe I will do an internet fast for the month of December…
What’s your mailing address? I think I might revive the “penpal” phenomenon.
We got the huge 24-inch widescreen iMac. Dave got extra ram and stuff, to make it even more magnificent, lol. He got the Logic (I think it’s called) recording software as well. Right now the computer is mostly for his webdesign business he’s doing on the weekends (he’s bringing in like, $300 or so every second weekend, which is just going to be paying off this thing for the next while… but is pretty cool since he enjoys it a lot too). It was pretty crazy dropping 3 grand, but we were able to do 2 grand up front so that’s pretty cool. We also got a new scanner/printer, so some day I will be able to post all kinds of old pictures that I’ve been dying to do (so you can see what a dork I was in high school). I LOVE this computer, I don’t even care how much it cost anymore. I’m such a spoiled little turd now, I can’t even look at the laptop anymore, the screen is so small. It has been awesome loading all my photos on to this computer and playing with them though! All of my Christmas presents I’m giving this year will be photo-related, I’m so excited! You can see our new Mac in the background of the last photo posted on my xanga post about Judith’s birthday (posted Nov. 25), fyi.
I am definitely feeling the Mac love!
Hi, Grace.
What a sweet time this is for you.
We are glad that you are here with us, when you can make the time.
“Do not conform…”
I agree completely. It’s so easy to get so busy that we neglect the things that actually matter. I, too, have been having a hard time finding that balance lately, and am realizing that some things just are going to have to be put to the side right now. It’s so worth it, though, to be a mama for our kiddos.